The Gift of Fear
Anyone who knows me understands that I actually do not think leading your life based on fear is a good thing. So much of what we do that ends up being positive is also scary. In my own life that is certainly true….having children, going after a graduate degree and moving to the UK are just three examples of stuff I did that was terrifying for me. So fear is not inherently a bad thing and that is helpful to remember. BUT….some fear is important to understand, acknowledge and heed.
From the time we are quite young, we are told to ignore fear. And often to do so is logical and fitting. When you thought there were monsters in your closet or under your bed, it made sense for your parents to point out that your fears were not based in reality. You needed to be told that sometimes we are afraid of things that don’t make sense. And when that happens, conquering that fear is a good thing. But what about real fear? We should talk about that.
People- and most particularly women (but certainly men too)- are taught to ignore fear. The fear I am talking about is the Spidey sense that tells you something is not quite right. It’s the person who stares too long, stands too close or doesn’t take no for an answer. It’s that nagging voice that tells you not to get into a car with someone who has been drinking. It’s the feeling you get when you sense danger but are not quite sure what it means or what to do about it. It can happen at home, at work or out in public. And if you pay attention, you will see that when you get those feelings, you often ignore them. Because that is what we are taught to do.
Many years ago I read a book by Gavin De Becker called The Gift of Fear. And it changed my life (and I would argue may have saved my life a couple times). It taught me to listen to my gut and see fear as a gift, not something to be denied. De Becker showed me that fear is actually part of evolution and is what has protected humans since the beginning of time. Simply ignoring things that provoke fear in us is to turn our backs on the very thing meant to keep us safe. And it’s a bad idea.
So why am I talking about fear today? Because one of my clients mentioned a situation that made him uncomfortable. And as his story unfolded, I remembered De Becker’s book and what a huge difference it made in my life. From what he described, this client had reason to be fearful. Perhaps the signals he was getting would have turned out to be nothing. But why take a chance? Why not listen to what your body is telling you and take steps to keep yourself safe? Trusting our instincts can make all the difference in the world and it is something to think about and reflect on.
I highly recommend The Gift of Fear to everyone. Because it doesn’t just tell you to fear everything. It is a master class in different kinds of fear and how to evaluate the signals our body and brains are giving us. I promise you will learn something and feel better, safer and more self-confident as result. It is never wrong to listen to your gut- and doing so may change the trajectory of your life.
